I called somebody who looked at the research and has some answers…Jonah Lehrer is the author of Imagine and How We Decide. A lot of what you’re about to read is very unsexy and very unromantic. In short, what we think we want in a spouse—someone who is just like us and likes all the same things—and what we want in real life are fundamentally mismatched.Ruling someone out because they love Coldplay and don’t appreciate the subtle genius of Radiohead is a bad idea.
It’s true that if you tell your partner what you expect and they aren’t on the same page, you may end up being turned down, but in that case, rejection is a gift.Screening out partners that don’t want the same type of relationship will save you time, energy, and most importantly, heartache.You don’t tell your partner directly what you expect from each other because you fear rejection.Instead, you spend countless hours analyzing your interactions and texts, comparing them to your expectations.You should remember that these open relationship rules aren’t created to restrict you.
It’s only a guide to help you enjoy the benefits of an open relationship and yet keep your love life happy.Successful relationships, at any level, require more communication then the magic “naturally” implies, because the only product of letting a relationship happen “naturally” is ambiguity, disappointment, and heartbreak.The belief in modern dating is that relationships should happen naturally.One of the biggest fallacies and biggest reasons for relationship failure is the idea that someone else is going to make you whole and happy. They look outside of themselves, instead of looking inward, to find peace of mind and heart. It has everything to do with emotional and spiritual well-being, and it is not dependent upon any relationship or other external factor.If you’re looking for someone else to bring you fulfillment, you’re setting yourself up for even more struggle and discontent.The next morning, talk about your experiences with each other. Is there jealous or insecurity in the air, or are both of you happy and excited for each other?