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It’s better to know what to look for and bail out early then waste years of your life with a widower who’s not ready to make you the center of his universe.

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Over the last few years I've received hundreds of emails from women dating widowers.

From them I’ve noticed some patterns of behavior that indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship and just using the woman to temporarily fill the void created by the death of his late wife.

Well, she's back and she ain't single--but happily-ever-after?

Single Erin (the gal with all of the married, pregnant friends indulging in happily-ever-after--whatever thatreallymeans.

If the widower you’re dating has one or more of the red flags below, don’t take it to mean that the relationship is doomed or that that issues can’t be resolved.

However, keep your eyes open to potential problems before giving too much of your heart to him.The heart of our family had been ripped away from us, and as much as counselling helped me come to terms with the reality, the gaping hole remained.After a while, though, I realised that eventually I would have to try to fill the gaping hole and I began to think about another aspect of my situation – being single again after 14 years of marriage. One day, my daughter asked me if I was going to get a girlfriend. After a pause, she asked with a hint of excitement: "Will we get a baby brother or sister?He’s probably worried that they’ll think he’s moving on too fast or, perhaps, won’t be open to the idea of seeing him with someone else.He might also be concerned that this new relationship will cause friction with other family and friends who are still mourning.I discovered quite quickly that I hated the word, as it emphasised what I've lost.